~light of the world~

Monday, November 12, 2007

Well, here marks the end of a long "negotiation" with my parents on whether I can go to Italy for the competition next year.

At first, I was really upset because I felt that my parents were being unnecessarily difficult over this. All the stuff about how much time choir takes up, and if only I was as attentive to my studies as I am to choir, and how my mother thinks cca shouldn't have competitions at all, and wishes she never let me join a performing arts group.

But I'm afraid that perhaps why I really felt so upset was because what they said wasn't totally untrue - I DO spend too much time on the laptop, probably didn't do as much for my subjects as I did for choir...

Then my father went on about how I'd have to give up other stuff, besides Juniors and Choir. I didn't really have much other stuff though, besides the laptop, since I don't go out and I rarely watch tv.

And then it went on to the how IP people don't have the training of taking national exams like the J1s have, and how A Levels is a once in a lifetime exam, and how you don't just need 4 As but also H3 to get into medicine.

All this stuff made me feel rather lousy and worthless in the sense of not being a capable person. And then reflecting on it later made me feel like a crummy excuse of a daughter, because I'm lazy, and that's a fact.

I admit what my parents said mostly made sense and were true, but it really hurt when my mother said that she expected my maths to be better, especially because I've always looked up to her matematical abilities. And I always thought my maths was quite ok, but perhaps 87% and in top 50 for the cohort just isn't good enough... sigh.

I guess it's time to stop being whiny and emo, and time to get serious about work.

God help me,
The Xuan

xuan blogged at 10:43 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...