Tuesday, February 24, 2009
"It's very easy to know a friend, even over a dinner. But friends aren't made over one month; one year. It takes five decades to form a true friendship." - My uncle.
This is what he said to the last patient who asked him why he wouldn't want to move overseas to live with his daughter and her family - that he wouldn't have any friends there, despite the supposedly large 'community'.
It got me thinking about friends. As in, I haven't lived 19 years yet to even talk about 2 decades, let alone 5, but I just started wondering about who might be considered to be friends, perhaps not just from my point of view, but for people in general.
And then I saw Jean Koh on the bus as I went home. She actually walked past me as I was boarding to presumably pay her fare by coins, but no hint of recognition on her face. She was my Sec 2 classmate in MGS, in the same CCA (GB) though not in the same squad, but she was in my contingent for the drill competition in 2004.
So as I sat down on the seat nearer the back, and she was standing up nearer the front, I was just wondering if she was my 'friend'. I mean, I haven't spoken to her in more than 4 years. Even if she was my classmate, it's not like we were close, or sat together, or did projects together.
Basically, was/is she my friend? Was/am I hers? Where do you draw the line between acquaintances and friends? Is it then true that even someone who was a very good friend, let's say for your two years in JC, might become quite a stranger if you don't see them again for the next 8 years or so, until one day you bump into them on the street?
Isn't that then quite sad? Considering all the good fun, camaraderie and bonding you experience when those people are quite central in your social circle. It's lost after years of no connection or communication, with perhaps the occasional "Happy Birthday" SMS you send because you get an email reminder of it.
I suppose it's also a bit sad if you would have considered the person your friend, at least remembering their name, face and how you knew them; while perhaps they've kind of forgotten who you are, until you need to remind them.
I was thinking of various degrees of friendship with people you happen to meet on the street.
- the kind you see, recognize, and then avoid their gaze because you don't really want to say hi
- the kind you see from afar and don't look at them directly until the last moment and then 'notice' them and say hi, before walking off
- the kind you see, and when you near them, say hi loudly enough, maybe ask them where they're going, before parting
- the kind you see, say hi and wave to, ask them a bit about their lives in general, wish them well and then part
- and the kind you see, hurry your steps to reach, wave and say hi with a smile, ask them what they're doing, how they are, share similar sentiments, and then ask if they want to go for lunch together if they're not busy.
Imagining scenarios is quite interesting, actually.
I also thought of something weird on the way. "Greater love has no one but this, that he lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13
Would you be willing to die for your friends? And of course this is a hypothetical quiestion, but it refers to dying in a noble way, not a stupid way. I think we'd all like to say we're unselfish enough to be willing to die for our friends in one of those really terrible situations.
I think I might be able to; or at least I may say now that I could, though I wouldn't really know until confronted with such an option. But then I realised, I'd probably sacrifice my life for a friend because I know it's the right thing to do, rather than because I love my friend.
I know it sounds quite stupid and contradictory, but it's somehow true. On the other hand, I'd be willing to die for my mother or father or sister or brother because I love them, not because it's the right thing to do. And I'm quite sure of that.
Isn't it all kind of weird?
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
