~light of the world~

Friday, March 6, 2009

So today was D-DAY. Kind of like Armageddon, educationally speaking. It was the day in which all 2008 GCE A Levels candidates received their results. To most of us, it is the means by which we can decide what university course we can take, which may ultimately decide our careers.

So after my driving lesson, I went back home to change and take some Lit stuff for Wei Qiang, and I arrived at school at about 1.10pm. I saw Eugenia there at the bus stop with her friend, and we were talking about driving and such. Gerard 'prodded' me on the shoulder when he got there, shaved head and all, and went in first.

So I went in, and after looking around, managed to see Liu Xuan walking up the stairs to the canteen, but we didn't know where Kaixin was, so I bought my lunch from the new Asian Delights Japanese stall. Their soup is not nice.

We were joined by Tse Mei and Aretha, and later on Kaixin and Huizhen. So the place was getting filled with a lot more of our cohort, many of the guys sporting the army hairstyle, one person even wearing the green uniform. I saw Yong Jian and Amanda having lunch on one end, and Jing An queuing at the drinks stall.

So after a while, Kaixin, Liu Xuan and I were walking aimlessly around the linkway, then we sat down at the oasis, because it was still 2pm. We were joined by Xiaowen, and then Yi Hong and Yi Lin. With abounding excitement and worrying and speculating, we finally headed up to the hall.

We were to sit according to class, and as it was last year, IP05 is at the back left corner. People present: me, KX, XW, Kai Qi, Wu Si, Linh, Sarah, Melody, Jessica, Xin Yuan, Elaine, Sherrie, Ben, Terence, Jiayi, Gerard, Jeremy. I didn't see at which point the rest, like Charlyn, Jessie, Justin, Wan Ting etc. joined in, but they did. Sheryl and Rachel were wilfully late! Possibly Rayshio too.

There were lots of NJC students standing at both sides of balconies staring down at us, and it made me feel more scared and uncomfortable. I admit that I've been among those people for the past two years, and only now do I realise that it's quite intimidating. A bit like being on exhibition at the zoo.

So the principal started talking about how the percentage of 3 As and above increased from 49.9% to 51.7%, I think. The exciting part started when she began saying which subjects had 100% passes. There were massive cheers as the list went on: Biology, Physics, Computing, English Lit, History, Geography, Tamil Lit, China Studies etc.

I don't remember her mentioning Maths, Econs or Chemistry. Anyhow, then she listed those students who'd gotten 8 distinctions! Pity no one in my school got 9 distinctions. Possibly no one even took 9 papers, and I hear all the top students with 9 distinctions come from RJC this year.

The 8 distinctions people, who got their photo taken, included Shiane, Linjiang, Zhang Kang, Apoorv, Tan Junyang, and I forgot who else. She also named the 7 distinctions people, asking them to stand, bow and sit down. I remember it including people like Wendy, Gloria, Wu Duo etc. I was really awed by how they managed to score so well! It felt liberating, and a bit like the celebration of human ability.

Finally we were told to line up in front of our class tables where the civics tutors were waiting with a lot of documents, and the nervousness really went up three notches. I started babbling on about how if I didn't get 3 'A's I'd be below average for my school. I seriously didn't believe that I could get 3 'A's, actually.

It took really long for each person, because we each had to check our testimonial, CCA and CIP certs, and sign the paper, and take one piece of each newspaper or brochure on the desk, as well as a bag with even more scholarship adverts and university information, and then our CT would hand us the results slip, looking at it and saying whether you'd done well or very well or whatever.

So after checking my documents for very long, because I value accuracy, I guess I took so long that Xin Yuan started a bit after me and got her slip first. Then when the CT looked at my results slip (all I could see was the back), he looked at me and said, "Very good", or "Very well done", or something like that.

At that point, I was a little sceptical, like not allowing myself to believe that I'd done well. Anyhow, when I finally saw my results, I didn't feel ecstatic or disappointed. It was more of a relief, like "Oh, okay, good", kind of reaction. I think I reverted back to my stone-ness that I'd been having before going to the hall.

There was talking, and photo-taking, and we collected our College Annual. I went to briefly see my Chem and GP teacher, and my Chem teacher knew my result, and she patted my head! So cute. And my GP teacher was also happy for me, and as I explained how surprised I was, she said that humanities are usually unexpected, and that the GP paper was indeed skewed towards the arts students.

I also went to the atrium to look at the list posted of the people who get a certain number of distinctions. It was quite cool to see my name, since I never imagined it'd ever be there. My older sister called me because I hadn't called her (only smsed my parents), and we talked for quite a while. I requested a present from her, and she said she'd get me a ticket to New Zealand. I only realised at home that she never mentioned a return ticket!

Afterwards I went to the choir store and handed Wei Qiang the stuff. After leaving my stuff in the AVA, I went back down to get a drink, and spent time talking to Ben, Elaine, Tse Mei, Joanne, Wilbert, Jiayi, Zhirong and Gloria. I really miss IP people! I also hope that if lots of us can get into medicine together, it'll be so much better!

Jing An, Yong Jian, Rachel, Ling Chung and I went for the choir practice (Beng Hui went too), and there was aircon in the AVA! Amazing! Inside was Xuemin taking combined girl sectionals for the J1s, and she's become really strict! Then of course the stupid guys said she learned from me. Hmph!

We talked to Ms Lim for a while about grades and university course choices and personality. Later on we saw Chye Keong, Cheng Luan and Xiang Ting come as well, and talked about our results, naturally. And Sheena and five others came back from this song recording thing, and she told me she got A for her Chinese! I'm so envious!

We left when the choir combined under Ms Lim's conducting, and I was tired and wanted to go home. I wanted to thank all those people who wished me all the best for my results - I got smses from Odelia, Jia Wen and Michelle, Marcus, Xuemin, and a few well wishes from some choir people I saw on the way.

I don't really know how I feel about getting back my results. Before entering the hall, I wasn't anxious. I'd spent a lot of time praying about it, asking for peace and no worrying, and leaving it all up to God, and I supposed He answered my prayer, buffered with hymns :D

I confess I was worried when in the hall, about to get our results. It was as if the previous 12 years of education was all culminating in this short span of time, too much pressure on this one day.

But when the slip was handed to me, I just felt like I wanted to just see it and get it over and done with. After seeing the results, like I mentioned earlier, I wasn't particularly joyful or anything, mostly relieved, and a wee bit disappointed in my H3.

I also felt a bit like I didn't quite deserve my results. Just as my sister put it, "you feel like it's not fair that other people who worked harder don't get as good as you". I don't know if I worked hard. I know I worked harder than ever before, but certainly not as much as other people, such as LC, who deserves the mugging crown if anyone ever did.

I was thinking, that my apparent lack of excitement in the end might have shown that I learnt that perhaps grades just aren't that important. I think this process of my thinking that I was quite screwed for my results, praying hard to leave it all to God, and then getting what I did and realising that it didn't quite matter that much, was a learning journey for me.

But this could be hypocritical, because I'm sure I'd have been sad if I'd gotten all 'D's or something. Is it that I can say all this because my results are okay? I at least hope some of my perspectives have changed. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Labels: choir, friends, school

xuan blogged at 7:57 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...